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I left you on Palm Sunday with Jesus riding into Jerusalem on a donkey. Peacefully, heading to the crucifixion. He chose to turn away from the chaos of the world and turn within to be still and know. I encouraged us to chose white lilies over crowns of thorns. Grace on top of grace.
As I rode into the Holy Week, I found myself feeling lots of feels. Weirdness turned into bothered and bothered turned into anger which always boils down to some sort of fear.
At first, I didn’t realize I started to leave the donkey to ride the high horse of my ego. It wasn’t until Spirit spoke to me and said, “Wouldn’t this would be a great time to give grace?” And… I didn’t want to. When I realized where I was, I went to bed.
I went to bed because it was clear that I needed to give myself grace first, in the form of rest. It wasn’t going to help anyone to speak out from this headspace while my heart was working on something out. I took it to my inner alter and left it there even though I didn’t understand anything yet.
Side note: if someone is trying to push you for answers to what’s wrong and you’re not sure or ready to share. Don’t. My response to shut that down is: “I’m working on something with God.” Or “I’m trying to figure out somethings about myself.” It’s never about them. Always my work.
So I wake up after having weird dreams about the virus and I’m even more in my feels. Feeling lonely and lost in why I’m upset. Then I start to journal. I free flow a bunch or feelings and I figure out that my anger is attached to old subconscious beliefs. Deep, right?
So what happened is, I tried to run my new week using the old system. My body sent me a loud and clear warning alarm in the form of anger to let me know that boundaries were being crossed.
Once I realized I wasn’t really mad at anyone else, I saw I was upset that I was trying to do new things in the same old way. And that shit wasn’t gonna fly! Then I started to think about how my ego was using this signal from my body, anger turning into blame, to block me from giving grace. Oh snap!! Then I thought about how many of us maybe feeling this right now.
It hit me that Easter, resurrection Sunday, is all about letting it go. An opportunity to forget and undo and let go of the past, painful ways — we’ll call this the crucifixion — and a chance to rise up in the resurrection with Jesus. Inside our hearts, in the private relationship with our Knowing, we surrender and let it burn so we can rise up!
Let’s visit our imaginations and see our hearts to be solid gold in a purification process.
Anything that keeps us from shining, that blocks our connection to our inner Knowing, is being burned off. Revealing our hidden treasure.
The timing of Easter and the new world happening around us feels like an orchestrated symphony. Each day bringing up new things to let go. Each burning, clearing a way for us to chose again.
When outdated, forgotten beliefs rising up as anger, it’s showing me another thought to let burn. Blame and defense, burn. Guilt and judgements, burn. Fear and anxiety, burn. Let it all burn. Burn, baby, burn.
Clearing the way to our freedom, unlimited communion, awakened to the presence of love, because love… love is what we are.
Some ways to help in the clearing is to not add new junk to it. Turn off the news. Block whoever is distracting you. Check your annoyances for truth. Take it all to your inner altar to burn away.
Every day. Every moment. A million deaths and rebirths. Letting it all burn.1