Choose Again

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Choose again. The message I have been receiving all week has been around this simple thought. There have been a few examples of when to choose again, but the biggest one involved my Mom and 95-year-old grandma, Lela.

Earlier this week my Mom called late at night to tell us that she made a mistake and Lela was actually taking her last dose of medications before running out!

What?!! All the things flew through my mind in an instant. 

But I wrapped it all up by saying: “I’ll call first thing in the morning and get it handled. It’s all good, rest easy.” And I meant it. 

Then it was time for me to go to bed… as Josh and I talked about things fear started to show up in the form of problem solving. 

Josh started to think of all of the potential obstacles: what if the pharmacy isn’t open or what if they aren’t delivering? What if the refills have run out? What if they have to go TO the doctor’s office? But they don’t have masks yet. They are high risk and so on…

For the first time I could see the fear spiral, not just feel it. I knew Josh meant well but he was in an old of pattern assessing the risk to know what to do when the time came. 

Let’s pause here, have you been there? 

Thinking of all of the problems, so you can be prepared with solutions before things get scary. Trying to figure out what are you gonna do?!

I had to remember that none of the thoughts were truth, only speculation.

I used to believe this was the best way to handle fear. To role play the freak out in hopes of controlling it. It was as if I could see the edge of the fear cliff, begging me to to jump. 

To future trip and wrestle with fear in the name of love. But I knew better. Only because I’ve jumped so many times before. 

I listened to him and then said, since we can’t know what’s up right now, I’ll call the pharmacy in the morning and let them tell me what’s up. I can see the all the areas where I can freak out and feel helpless, which feels like the worst thing I can do right before bed. I’m going to leave all of this fear and problem solving at the altar. 

We chose to lean into surrender and trust. We kissed goodnight and went into prayer & meditation. 

I took Mamita and Lela into meditation. I wrapped them in light, as if it were a hug. I repeated: “I give myself and others to your care.” I watched the light show and peacefully drifted to sleep. 

I called the pharmacy first thing and things did need my attention which made my heart feel tight. They no longer deliver, my family doesn’t have masks yet, and new refills might be needed. It had been a while since I felt that particular flavor of anxiety. It was uncomfortable. 

It was both familiar and strange all at once. I needed to work out things in the moment with clear thinking. I kept breathing into my heart space. Breathing and praying: Be with me. Guide me. 

I called a local friend for help. She volunteered to do the pick up and delivery, my friend Amanda was able to be a giant blessing to us all.

Within no time, all was well. My mom called to say: “somehow I can feel you here with us, I feel your love so strong around us. 

I knew my meditation had connected us. I explained what I did the night before and told her this would be a new part of our relationship. I’ll hold them in light and love and they’ll hold me and we’ll be can together that way. She loved it! 

Let’s do it together: let’s carry who we love or someone that is on your heart into the light right now. Let’s take a few breaths, each breath is an invitation to the Holy Spirit. 

See your loved ones… see beautiful light wrapping around them, holding them. Breath this moment in… say internally: 

“I leave myself and my loved ones to your care.” Imagine your love to be vibrations that are reaching them now. Thank you, Spirit. 

Many of us are caregiving from a distance like I am and I know that’s a tricky place to deal with fear and feeling helpless. On top of the extra feelings of just wanting to be with them! 

So I offer you this message to remind you of when that old pattern of fear wants you to jump off the cliff, choose again. Choose peace, not be at war within yourself. Choose to feel love, instead of panic. 

And if you choose fear, keep trying. We have the gift of the Holy instant, always been able to choose again. Choosing to work with the Holy Spirit. Choosing to move with God’s will over feeding the ego’s fear. 

If you aren’t sure how to get through this, let’s take it slow and break it down to what feels right in the moment. Step by step, moment to moment, there’s only one choice: Do I want peace or war? Love or fear? That’s it. 

When we choose to align ourselves with the peace of God, we work with Spirit, we turn over our limited perspective and trade it in for the strength and power that only lives in the present moment. 

When we surrender and get out of the way, we can make room for God to work. And if we believe and trust that everything is happening for our highest good, then why not trust the truth of this truth and let the Holy Spirit handle it. Freeing us from doubt, fear, worry. Making room for miracles and peace. All by choosing again. 

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