I recently had an episode of anger, a disturbance in my peace, that was hard for me to overcome. I was unexpectedly dealing with some fears and blocks that I believed had already been addressed, healed, and worked on. But, sometimes it just flies out of control and I found myself spiraling.
We all have volumes of stories that roll around in our heads, but I was dealing with a few stories that held a bit of subconscious power over me that are loud in today’s world: politics and money.
Both of these topics are heavily loaded with fear, and now I can see I was not addressing them as well as I thought. In my mind, I was hearing these stories and triggers in my thoughts, forgiving them, moving through them, and holding on to peace. The last thing I want is to let my fear get out of control, allowing the dark images to play out in real life before my eyes.
I realized quickly that I was not in a good place.
What I don’t always realize is that these thoughts will manifest themselves in a way that puts them right in your face. It doesn’t always come the way that I think; it’s not like, “Oh, well that’s that fear showing up to be healed.” Something else happens… something that really throws off my control center and makes me mad. I react in a way that sends my blood into a boiling state and then I have to figure out what that was all about.
I was hurt and angry and sad and lost …
My mind was super clouded … I was trying to figure out what I was going to say in our next Breathing Room Session, which is where I try to help people heal these disturbances(!), I had to figure out a way… I thought to myself, “We work on how to do this … there has to be some way … there has to be an answer … there has to be something that I can do to move past what I’m feeling right now …”
If you are familiar with Byron Katie, she has a process for block removal, which is literally called ‘The Work.’ It’s a powerful tool and she asks very simple questions. There is actually an app called ‘The Work’ that you can put on your phone and I highly recommend anybody get it.
When you have a block, you can do what’s called a “Judge Your Neighbor” worksheet. It’s aimed at getting your story out of your head and out of your heart and on paper. She always says, “War belongs on paper” and I believe that 100%.
The war that’s happening in your head does not belong in your head or in your heart. You have to get it out so that you can start working through it.
I allowed myself the freedom to answer those questions with honesty and courage. Slowly, I started to feel that veil of guilt and fear that was blocking me start to dissolve as I held it to the light. The darkness began to fade in the same way the night yields to the morning sunrise and I thought, “Hey, this is good, this is working.”
Now I’m beginning to see that the lesson the Holy Spirit was bringing to my attention was spotlighting the thoughts that I had that were not based in love. And I didn’t think those thoughts were in there.
My inner-work that feels daunting and scary is only as dark as I allow it to be. When I really look at it under the light of Truth, its darkness has no choice but to fade. My Truth was that my anger was not real or justified. When I wrote it out, it only seemed real when I listened to my ego’s story, which is loveless, faithless, and dark.
The projections of my mind, my thoughts, have to come from love… they have to come from a good place. That’s what it takes for me to be able to see love in all of my life and for me to shine as the beacon God created me to be.
Shine on, you are the beloved.