The Cycle of Sequels
When you put yourself in danger once or twice, give yourself some grace. Mistakes happen! You’re likely to walk into obstacles and hazards that throw you off your path, especially when you’ve never been in the situation before.
But if you do this over and over, you might be purposely (although unconsciously) sabotaging yourself.
Much like the character in a movie or book has no idea what the writer has planned out for them, you can’t always tell what your subconscious is doing. This happens a lot when you don’t spend time getting to know that inner you.
You stay on the surface instead because getting to know “you’ is a lot of fricking mental work.
If you’re like I was, you’d rather spend 16 hours a day in the hot blazing sun doing back-breaking hard labor without water or a break than dig into your mental psyche and pull out old hurts and current painful problems.
I get it. But when you don’t take the time to find out what’s really going on with your emotions below the surface, you spend even more energy dealing with the fallout later.
Case in point: Self-sabotage.
Case Study: Me
At one point in my life, I was being hit from all directions by problem after problem. And they weren’t just your average problems. They were life-altering, hard-decision-making, no control of the outcome problems.
But at the same time, I had met my career goals, had everything a “responsible” woman of my age should have, and I was respected and admired by my peers and family.
I was in the perfect position to continue to grow, or to sabotage my progress. The choice was up to me, but I didn’t know it, or any of this, at the time.
So what did I do? I kept on keeping on.
I went about my day, went to work, buried my head in the sand, handled the hot-burner issues before a fire started, and pretended everything was fine and dandy.
I ignored the slow-burning fires in the background. Ignored. I can’t say they snuck up on me. I KNEW THEY WERE THERE. I purposely ignored them, and, by doing so, I sabotaged myself.
I even had an audience of people shouting at me (nicely – they were my friends, after all) that I needed to be mindful of these fires. But I knew better than they did and I could handle it all. What could possibly go wrong?
Turns out, everything. My entire life as I knew it then hinged on the sabotaging behavior I was exhibiting by ignoring my inner self.
Walking in the Woods at Night With a Killer on the Loose
Instead of progressing through the next glass ceiling, I hit it. Then, I used the problems I hadn’t dealt with to destroy all the hard work I had done to get where I was.
Yes, I went willingly into the woods, knowing a killer was on the loose, and I found him. The result wasn’t pretty, of course.
I could have blamed a million people and events, but even then, I knew the truth. I had put myself there through a compound effect of my small choices.
Decisions to ignore my pain. Decisions to act in little ways that helped temporarily numb the pain. Decisions to slowly erode away my hard-earned accomplishments that I didn’t truly feel I deserved because I was being fake.
My inside self did not match the outside I was displaying to others, and I knew it. So, the self-sabotage cycle progressed.
Nailing the Right Angle in Your Script
At the time, I didn’t have anyone like Jules in my life. The Miracle Lab (themiraclelab.org) was still a little seedling in her gut and she had no idea how much I needed her guidance.
I was even seeing a counselor, but since he, too, thought I was on a pedestal, I never told him the truth.
What I needed was a safe space to work through my inner self and all the problems I was dealing with. Most of us don’t have someone we feel that comfortable with, so we persist blindly along the sink-or-swim, learn-from-your-mistakes type of living.
If you are dealing with a lot of internal and external battles, don’t ignore them. The extra work you put in now will save you tons of pain and stress later in the sabotage process. Head over to The Miracle Lab and get some tips on how to delve deep into the reality of what’s going on in your inner self.
If processing emotions seems a little too much to do on your own, the Jules Loves Me Podcast episode here will help you through as you do your own soul-searching.
And coming up on Recognizing Self Sabotage: Part III, I’ll share with you the fallout of my own sabotage and how I rose from rock bottom and learned from my lessons. I’ll explain how self-sabotage is a cycle of abuse, why it is so darn addicting, and how you can break the cycle.